On Second Thought
24 hours after devising my strategy, I rethought it.
I realized that keeping a schedule during the day was just not practical with our lifestyle and may even be unneccessary for getting him to sleep at night- the ultimate objective. I also realized that restricting his swaddling to these preset times was also not practical because we simply rely upon it too heavily for calming him whenever he decides he's tired as well as for when he becomes over-stimulated. (Occasionally it's been the only way to calm him when we were out shopping.) The heart bear was too much of a pain to remove from where it was strapped in to the crib, so I used music instead and even forgot to turn that on the second night- it didn't seem to matter one iota. In fact, the second night went WAY better than the first.
What I did do: swaddled him, gave him his pacifier, rocked him to sleep (initially), no stimuli during "night time" (12am -6am), did not pick him up if he woke up after going to sleep but before his next feeding, stuck to a 2hr feeding schedule (he actually went 3hrs between 2 feedings last night!), kept one of my pillow cases tucked nearby him, gave him a fresh diaper before bed and only changed bowel movements at "night", kept the room dark all "night".
After discussing the issue with Luke we came up with an addition to the plan. We decided to gently wean Ethan from dependence on my presence (neither of us felt that simply sticking him in the crib and letting him "cry it out" was necessary.) by -at first- placing him in his car seat as soon as he had fallen asleep. This was placed on the floor of his bedroom next to a makeshift bed for me. This way I wasn't holding him, but he still felt snuggled by the car seat and he could see me and know that I was close by. The plan is that once he starts to show signs of being comfortable with this we switch him to his play pen/bassinet also in his room, with me still sleeping on the floor nearby. Again, he'll be by himself, but I can get up and touch him every now and then for reassurance and I can talk to him, although he will not be able to see me while I sleep. The idea is to get him used to sleeping on a flat surface (although the mattress is on an incline to help combat his reflux), and to get him used to not being able to see me, so that we can more easily transfer him to his crib when the time comes.
The first night, Ethan spent nearly the entire time between feedings screaming his PISSED OFF cry until I accidentally blew it by falling asleep during his 4am feeding and he ended up sleeping with me for the next few hours. At which point, of course, he slept very peacefully. (Oops!)
The second night was almost too good to be true. He fell asleep almost on his own and he slept the entire time between feedings, with the exception of a small awake period following a diaper change- and even that only lasted 20 minutes!
Last night- the third night- he did well again! He slept between each feeding with no awake times at all! (Unfortunately my mind wouldn't shut up, so I did not sleep as well.)
Thus, with last night's success confirming that the second night was not simply a fluke, the plan is to switch him to the play pen tonight. I can only hope it goes as smoothly. However, both Luke and I feel satisfied that if it does not, we're okay with him sleeping in the car seat for a while longer. At least he's by himself and we can always try the transition again later.
By The Way:
I know that many people will be horrified to read that Ethan actually slept NEXT TO ME in my "bed".(*gasp*) Until recently, I would have been among them, as would have Luke. However, I quickly realized that when I sleep with a child I, 1) DO NOT MOVE- at all! 2) sleep VERY lightly- awakening at his very first sound. In fact, looking back, I should have known this before, because when I was a nanny I often took naps with the girls and slept the same way. Despite this previous experience, I was determined that I would NEVER share a bed with an infant. Then I fell asleep with Ethan during a feeding in the hospital. My mother, not realizing my aversion to the sleeping situation, simply let me sleep, already knowing "how mothers sleep" as she puts it. I was horrified when I woke up. I had been convinced by everything I'd read that sleeping with my infant made me a bad mother. I was determined that it would not happen again. But it did- once or twice. Still, for the majority of the time, Ethan slept on his own. That was until the week from hell. During this week (about 3 or 4weeks old) Ethan would repeatedly awaken every 10 minutes or so during the hours of 4-7am with just the most pain-filled cries because he was suffering from severe gas. It was heart-wrenching to not be able to stop his pain. Each time he awoke I would hold him super tight -like in the womb- with his knees pulled up to his chest for comfort. He couldn't sleep without that and it was the only way that I could help, but it left me totally wiped. The only way both of us ended up getting any "sleep" was if I lay on the couch, swaddled him, and placed him half on my chest, half tucked into the niche of my left arm next to the back of the couch. I made sure to arrange pillows in such a way that I could not turn and allow Ethan to either fall off my right side or fall deeper in the left side and risk getting stuck between me and the couch. Although this period again confirmed my sleeping instincts, I still didn't want to sleep that way every night- you wake up pretty stiff when you don't move for hours on end and I felt it might be more difficult to get him to sleep alone as he grew older. However, this is how Ethan got into the habit of sleeping with me. Since this time I have continued to try to get him to sleep alone, but by 5am or so, on more nights than not, the decision would become: both of us or neither of us, and so Ethan usually spent about 50% of his sleeping time snuggled next to me. (Again, he was swaddled, with the pillows and sheets arranged cautiously). This is what we are trying to stop. And it seems like it may be WAY easier than we imagined it would be! PTL!
I realized that keeping a schedule during the day was just not practical with our lifestyle and may even be unneccessary for getting him to sleep at night- the ultimate objective. I also realized that restricting his swaddling to these preset times was also not practical because we simply rely upon it too heavily for calming him whenever he decides he's tired as well as for when he becomes over-stimulated. (Occasionally it's been the only way to calm him when we were out shopping.) The heart bear was too much of a pain to remove from where it was strapped in to the crib, so I used music instead and even forgot to turn that on the second night- it didn't seem to matter one iota. In fact, the second night went WAY better than the first.
What I did do: swaddled him, gave him his pacifier, rocked him to sleep (initially), no stimuli during "night time" (12am -6am), did not pick him up if he woke up after going to sleep but before his next feeding, stuck to a 2hr feeding schedule (he actually went 3hrs between 2 feedings last night!), kept one of my pillow cases tucked nearby him, gave him a fresh diaper before bed and only changed bowel movements at "night", kept the room dark all "night".
After discussing the issue with Luke we came up with an addition to the plan. We decided to gently wean Ethan from dependence on my presence (neither of us felt that simply sticking him in the crib and letting him "cry it out" was necessary.) by -at first- placing him in his car seat as soon as he had fallen asleep. This was placed on the floor of his bedroom next to a makeshift bed for me. This way I wasn't holding him, but he still felt snuggled by the car seat and he could see me and know that I was close by. The plan is that once he starts to show signs of being comfortable with this we switch him to his play pen/bassinet also in his room, with me still sleeping on the floor nearby. Again, he'll be by himself, but I can get up and touch him every now and then for reassurance and I can talk to him, although he will not be able to see me while I sleep. The idea is to get him used to sleeping on a flat surface (although the mattress is on an incline to help combat his reflux), and to get him used to not being able to see me, so that we can more easily transfer him to his crib when the time comes.
The first night, Ethan spent nearly the entire time between feedings screaming his PISSED OFF cry until I accidentally blew it by falling asleep during his 4am feeding and he ended up sleeping with me for the next few hours. At which point, of course, he slept very peacefully. (Oops!)
The second night was almost too good to be true. He fell asleep almost on his own and he slept the entire time between feedings, with the exception of a small awake period following a diaper change- and even that only lasted 20 minutes!
Last night- the third night- he did well again! He slept between each feeding with no awake times at all! (Unfortunately my mind wouldn't shut up, so I did not sleep as well.)
Thus, with last night's success confirming that the second night was not simply a fluke, the plan is to switch him to the play pen tonight. I can only hope it goes as smoothly. However, both Luke and I feel satisfied that if it does not, we're okay with him sleeping in the car seat for a while longer. At least he's by himself and we can always try the transition again later.
By The Way:
I know that many people will be horrified to read that Ethan actually slept NEXT TO ME in my "bed".(*gasp*) Until recently, I would have been among them, as would have Luke. However, I quickly realized that when I sleep with a child I, 1) DO NOT MOVE- at all! 2) sleep VERY lightly- awakening at his very first sound. In fact, looking back, I should have known this before, because when I was a nanny I often took naps with the girls and slept the same way. Despite this previous experience, I was determined that I would NEVER share a bed with an infant. Then I fell asleep with Ethan during a feeding in the hospital. My mother, not realizing my aversion to the sleeping situation, simply let me sleep, already knowing "how mothers sleep" as she puts it. I was horrified when I woke up. I had been convinced by everything I'd read that sleeping with my infant made me a bad mother. I was determined that it would not happen again. But it did- once or twice. Still, for the majority of the time, Ethan slept on his own. That was until the week from hell. During this week (about 3 or 4weeks old) Ethan would repeatedly awaken every 10 minutes or so during the hours of 4-7am with just the most pain-filled cries because he was suffering from severe gas. It was heart-wrenching to not be able to stop his pain. Each time he awoke I would hold him super tight -like in the womb- with his knees pulled up to his chest for comfort. He couldn't sleep without that and it was the only way that I could help, but it left me totally wiped. The only way both of us ended up getting any "sleep" was if I lay on the couch, swaddled him, and placed him half on my chest, half tucked into the niche of my left arm next to the back of the couch. I made sure to arrange pillows in such a way that I could not turn and allow Ethan to either fall off my right side or fall deeper in the left side and risk getting stuck between me and the couch. Although this period again confirmed my sleeping instincts, I still didn't want to sleep that way every night- you wake up pretty stiff when you don't move for hours on end and I felt it might be more difficult to get him to sleep alone as he grew older. However, this is how Ethan got into the habit of sleeping with me. Since this time I have continued to try to get him to sleep alone, but by 5am or so, on more nights than not, the decision would become: both of us or neither of us, and so Ethan usually spent about 50% of his sleeping time snuggled next to me. (Again, he was swaddled, with the pillows and sheets arranged cautiously). This is what we are trying to stop. And it seems like it may be WAY easier than we imagined it would be! PTL!
posted by KMD | 11:58 AM
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